You’ve made it through the terrible two’s, past the “no” phase and you find yourself knee deep in a maelstrom of puberty and hormones. The teenage years are a crucial time for development and it is during these years that life habits are set in place and values are established that will be with these young people for the rest of their lives and will eventually become implanted in their own kids’ heads. It is up to us, as parents, to ensure that they have the right amount of support to get through these adolescent years with as few scrapes as possible. This is a great time for learning though. Teenage years are about exploration, finding one’s voice and independence, and also setting the stage for their academic careers. Here are some tips for parents out there across the nation that have teenagers and are looking for resources to help their children grow into healthy minded adults ready to make their mark on the world, in a good way.
The Goldilocks Effect. Just like our planet is the perfect distance from the sun to support life on our little spinning rock in our solar system, so too do our kids need the right amount of space to flourish and come into their own. There are so many temptations out there for our kids and bad situations for them to get into. As a parent you of course want to protect them from anything potentially harmful. There’s a fine line to walk. You don’t want to be too clingy or omnipresent but you also don’t want to simply leave them to their own devices either. What this really comes down to is communication. Nobody would ever know how someone feels if they didn’t talk to them. So talk to your kids about their personal life. Give them advice if they need it. Back off if they’re trying to be their own person. Protect them if they’ve bitten off more than they can chew.
Academic Success. The road to success is fraught with danger. It’s all too easy to get behind in ones studies. The high school years are a point in a person’s life that can either be a fond memory or set them up for disaster. Getting behind in your classes ultimately leads to lower grades and, as such, can impact what your children go on to do after high school. For many, college is on the horizon, and they need the grades to get into a good school. Giving your kids the tools to achieve academic success is paramount if they are to have as much of a head start as they can get. Having fun with friends and staying out late sounds like a great idea but there needs to be a balance for both work and play.
Help Them Explore Their Talents. Everyone is good at something. Whether it’s an artistic flare they have displayed since childhood, a knack for taking things apart and putting them back together, or being able to turn complete strangers into allies in less than an hour, these are natural talents and abilities that need to be nurtured if they are to develop them into their full form. For a teenager, these talents might manifest themselves as a kind of escape from their school or home life. It’s not uncommon for artistic people to start out doodling in their school books with a pen. Every artist or politician starts somewhere. If you notice your kids are good at something, and they want to do it all the time, get in there and do whatever it takes to help them explore that part of themselves.
The Talk. This can be one of the most awkward conversations of both of your entire lives, but it needs to happen one way or another. The teenage years can be treacherous because their bodies, in conjunction with their hormones, are telling them to go and make more people to populate the Earth. Seeing as how population isn’t necessarily a problem these days, make sure they understand what a huge undertaking having children is and how important their future is. Having children is a blessing. However, there are plenty of people out there that didn’t quite get to do what they wanted to do because they were busy taking care of their child. Biologically you can have children when you’re 14, but this is not ideal by today’s standards. Make sure your son or daughter knows how to exercise good judgment as they mature into adulthood.
Boundaries. Nobody wants to be the parent that continuously says “no” to their kids but boundaries are important for young adults. Every teenager counts down the days until they can drive their own car. It’s a rite of passage that is important because it’s a greater use of personal freedom than they have previously experienced. They don’t have to ask you for a ride to their friend’s house, they can take themselves to school etc. This represents freedom in its true form for a 16 year old. There is a lot of room for abuse of this notion of freedom however. Safety is of the utmost importance at this stage of being a teenager. Many kids don’t realize that a car can easily become a dangerous weapon, for themselves as well as others. This is kind of coming back to that Goldilocks effect I mentioned above. Give them room, but not too much room. Establish a reasonable time to come home at night if they’re out driving around with their friends. Today we have cell phones so worrying about where your kids are can be solved with a click of a button but it’s still a good idea to know where they’re going or who they’re going with. This is of course even more important if they’re borrowing your car.
Hanging With The Wrong Crowd. As kids progress through into their teenage years a lot of times they keep their old friends they have grown up with. But other times this is a time for big changes in their lives and they may start associating with new friends. These friends can sometimes be less than desirable from a parent’s perspective. Being “cool” when you’re 17, is really important, as we all remember. However, sometimes the cool kids, are actually a lot more trouble than they’re worth. We all know the archetype for this type of high school cool guy. They might ditch a class here and there or experiment with drugs or alcohol. You don’t want your children mixed up in the wrong crowd. That kind of behavior is toxic and if they think it’s cool, young people are more inclined to be a part of it. This really comes down to the values you instill in your kids and how you, as a family, deal with these kinds of things in life. It takes talking to your kids, sharing values, speaking up about your concerns, acknowledging successes, failures etc. to generate that openness within your family. If they’re hanging out with the wrong crowd, you need to be observant enough to see it and open enough for your son or daughter to come to you if they’re in trouble rather than hiding it for fear of getting in even more trouble.
